Intimacy: The "New Womb" of Our Development
Briefly

A father struggles with enforcing discipline due to fears that being strict may make him less loveable to his children. Criticism from his wife provides a catalyst for self-reflection, revealing unresolved issues from his own childhood, particularly the fear stemming from over-punishment. These past experiences influence his current approach to parenting, leading to indecisiveness in disciplinary actions. The intimate relationship plays a critical role in enabling him to confront these fears and recognize the flaws in his parenting style.
As a young father, my wife rightfully assailed me—on many occasions—for failing to enforce our mutually agreed upon 'time out plan' for reining in our children when they broke the rules.
Hefty doses of self-examination, each accompanied by a sharp pinch of embarrassment, soon yielded an epiphanous moment in which the explanation I sought sprang to mind.
Then, like a red laser dot pinpointing its target, I traced my fears to several painful childhood incidents when I thought my own misbehavior had been over-punished, which left me questioning the love my parents felt for me.
My wife's difficult but informative feedback - intimacy's spotlight - had illuminated the conspicuous hole in my uneven, incomplete approach to disciplining our children.
Read at Psychology Today
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