Mark Travers, a relationship psychologist, warns about the detrimental effect of comparative phrases like "Why can't you be more like [insert name]?" during arguments. Such statements can make partners feel inadequate and can trigger the "death-by-comparison effect," damaging self-worth and trust in the relationship. Travers notes that the real issue lies in the fear of directly expressing needs rather than the phrase itself. To cultivate healthier communication, couples need a secure emotional environment where they can voice their needs without comparisons or shame.
Travers emphasized, "If you use this toxic phrase, your relationship is in trouble." This statement underscores the importance of mindful communication in maintaining healthy relationships.
He pointed out that this phrase signals a lack of acceptance, suggesting that the partner isn't enough, which can lead to insecurity and a lack of trust.
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