"First off, you don't have to just accept it. Though the method you describe worked, in general, much as it did for ancient Greece's Lysistrata, it's not a perfect tool for negotiation (as that title character in Aristophanes' play would attest). What you're looking for is respect and an equal footing in your partnership. That's something that you deserve. Every relationship, marriages included, is reliant on communication. Communication patterns and strategies vary person to person and relationship to relationship."
"What I see in your husband's repeated no response is a refusal to communicate. This leaves you with little to no recourse. It makes sense that you've tried to puzzle this out on your own, attributing it to his upbringing and career. That may be a part of it, but none of us gets a free pass for bad behavior simply because of where we're from or what we've been through, good or bad."
Automatic negativity, expressed as near-constant 'no' responses, damages partnership by refusing to engage in communication and creating imbalance. Attempts to reinterpret behavior as personality, birth order, or leadership traits do not excuse repeated dismissiveness. Such patterns foster resentment, reduce mutual respect, and limit negotiation within the relationship. Strategies like withholding intimacy may elicit compliance but do not create genuine change. Effective remedies include setting boundaries, requesting equal footing, and involving a neutral third party or therapist to address communication breakdowns and establish healthier interaction patterns. Regular work on communication skills and mutual respect can rebuild trust and reduce resentment over time.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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