The author reflects on a one-sided friendship with a young artist, Bob, who has recently found success. Despite offering him substantial support over the years, Bob shows little gratitude, demonstrating a lack of awareness about the dynamics of their relationship. The issue of feeling underappreciated is highlighted, leading to internal conflict about addressing this imbalance. The response suggests initiating thoughtful adjustments, like sharing costs, to encourage a more equitable friendship dynamic without risking the relationship's stability.
I’m with you on this. It burns my biscuit that Bob hasn’t found ways to show his gratitude. And it’s especially annoying that he’s still sending you grocery lists.
He may see it less as charity than as the give-and-take of this particular relationship. But it’s hard to square a give-and-take when it’s all take and no give.
Try smaller adjustments, like suggesting that you split the check next time you’re out or declining to pick up the groceries. You might even want to ask about it.
You’re lucky enough to be able to afford this. But that’s not my point. Is there anything I can do to change Bob’s attitude? Or to change my own need to feel appreciated?
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