The letter discusses the author's complex feelings towards their deceased abusive mother. At the funeral, they expressed forgiveness publicly, prompting a deeper internal reflection on the necessity of letting go of anger. The author acknowledges their positive nature yet grapples with the longstanding pain from their mother's alcoholism and abuse. They are encouraged to explore therapy and support groups, emphasizing that forgiveness is not a rushed process and that engaging with others can provide strength and clarity in this emotional journey.
I'm sorry for the loss of your mother and for the abuse you endured. Though your utterance at the funeral was unexpected, it sounds like it's what your heart was ready for and in need of.
You would have preferred, I'm sure, that some sort of healing and amends happen with your mother. But you have accessed a concept that often eludes us that we have the power to reframe and release relationships.
Consider working with a therapist who specializes in families of those who suffer from alcoholism and attending a SMART Recovery Family and Friends meeting or Al-Anon.
You're under no obligation to rush your forgiveness, no matter what you said, but it will help you to talk through the complicated feelings that your grief and the history of abuse have brought up.
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