8 behaviors you should never tolerate from someone who claims to love you, according to psychology - Silicon Canals

"Love is supposed to feel safe, right? I remember sitting across from my therapist three years ago, trying to explain why I stayed in a relationship where I constantly walked on eggshells. "But they love me," I kept saying, as if that justified everything. That session changed how I understood love forever. After my four-year relationship ended in my mid-twenties, I dove deep into understanding attachment styles and relationship psychology. What I discovered was eye-opening: Genuine love has boundaries."

"There's a huge difference between "Hey, could you remember to text when you're running late?" and "You're so inconsiderate, you never think of anyone but yourself." According to relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman, criticism that attacks someone's character rather than addressing specific behaviors is one of the "Four Horsemen" that predict relationship failure. This type of criticism chips away at your self-worth over time."

"I learned this distinction in therapy after realizing I'd internalized years of comments about being "too analytical" and "exhausting." My tendency to analyze wasn't a character flaw that needed fixing; it was part of who I am. A loving partner might say, "Sometimes I just need to vent without solutions," not "You're impossible to talk to." When someone claims to love you but constantly makes you feel like you need to become a different person, that's not love working through differences."

Love should feel safe and preserve individual identity. After a painful breakup and therapy, attachment styles and relationship psychology reveal that genuine love sets boundaries. Respectful partners address behaviors without attacking character. Persistent criticism that targets fundamental traits erodes self-worth and predicts relationship failure. Loving responses focus on specific needs (for example, asking for texts when late) rather than labeling a person's character. A partner who demands that someone change their core self or repeatedly undermines their sense of self crosses into unhealthy, unacceptable behavior that cannot be excused by professed love.

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