#attachment-styles

#attachment-styles

Love is supposed to feel safe, right? I remember sitting across from my therapist three years ago, trying to explain why I stayed in a relationship where I constantly walked on eggshells. "But they love me," I kept saying, as if that justified everything. That session changed how I understood love forever. After my four-year relationship ended in my mid-twenties, I dove deep into understanding attachment styles and relationship psychology. What I discovered was eye-opening: Genuine love has boundaries.

If you grew up feeling emotionally unsafe, unseen, or unloved, it's natural that your adult relationships might carry some of those same fears. You might unconsciously recreate familiar dynamics, because the brain often returns to what it knows, even when it hurts us. Much of early relationship conflict stems from our unhealed wounds. Tension often arises not just from our own behavior patterns, but from a lack of understanding of our partner's attachment needs and behaviors.

When desire fades or the bedroom grows silent, we often point to the surface- boredom, stress, a lack of spark. But let me tell you, sexual problems are rarely about sex alone. Sometimes, they're about unresolved trauma -a quiet force that shapes how we love, touch, and connect. It's the shadow we don't see, but it moves us all the same. It makes decisions for us that we're not aware of.

Adult attachment styles are derived from the work of John Bowlby, Mary Ainsworth, and other researchers throughout the 1960s-90s who identified distinct patterns of emotional responses in babies to their mothers when the latter left and returned to a room. These patterns were categorized into infant attachment styles (secure, insecure-avoidant, and insecure-resistant; later, disorganized) that were subsequently developed and refined into adult attachment styles.

We come into the world screaming and vulnerableentirely dependent on adult caregivers to keep us safe and teach us how to connect with others. The nature of these earliest relationships influences how we behave towards others and see the world long after we've grownbut in more complex and nuanced ways than researchers previously thought, according to the results of a large, decades-long study examining how the quality of children's interactions with parents and close peers went on to influence their relationships in adulthood.

Romantic relationships are viewed almost universally as one of the most important milestones in life, which all people should achieve at some point or another. For some, this is a great motivator; for others, this instills a sense of pressure. That said, not all people pursue romantic relationships for this reason alone. There's even a growing population of individuals who aren't inclined to search for a partner at all.

Cutting off or stepping away from a troubled parent, sibling, or even an entire family may seem like a first step toward healing and autonomy. Yet, for many, the dysfunctional emotional and behavioral patterns established in the family of origin often resurface in intimate bonds outside the family. Research has shown that patterns of connection, conflict, and caregiving siblings experience in their relationships often form the foundation of adult attachment styles, conflict management strategies, and overall relationship satisfaction.

"Especially in the cultural background I come from, I would say as soon as you finish what you think is education; it could be a bachelor's or a master's, and then the second you go into a full-time job, then all of a sudden there's a switch, then you should be actively looking to end your singlehood."

Logan Lerman embodies characters with avoidant attachment in 'Oh, Hi!' and Haim's music video, revealing a deep, personal reflection on relationship dynamics.