Friendships can have ups and downs, but persistent patterns of invisibility or emotional unsafety cause harm. Healthy friendships feel balanced, with mutual curiosity, remembered details, and reciprocal support during crises. When one person dominates conversations, demands support without giving it, or treats the relationship as scorekeeping, the dynamic becomes draining. Critique framed as "brutal honesty" that repeatedly insults life choices undermines belonging and connection. Longstanding history with someone can make it harder to assess harm, but repeated one-sidedness, self-centeredness, or chronic drama are valid reasons to end a friendship to protect emotional well-being.
However, not all tensions are fixable, and not all differences are worth enduring. Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist, told Business Insider that if you feel invisible or emotionally unsafe in any relationship, it's doing more harm than good. Assessing if a friendship is healthy and fulfilling "is one of those questions that we don't take the time to ask ourselves," Kirmayer said, even though the answer is usually "very telling."
All close friendships should feel balanced, without "scorekeeping or counting the minutes," Kirmayer said. It's not to say that you'll always feel like perfect equals. Your friend's communication style might be more talkative than yours, or they might need more support during a crisis. But they should also find time to ask you questions back and remember details about your life. Otherwise, you're in a relationship with an energy vampire, drained from listening to your friend's vents without ever getting the floor, too.
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