3 Reasons Why Saying 'No' Is So Attractive

"When people are asked what they think makes someone attractive in a relationship, the response is usually the same laundry list of warmth, generosity, flexibility, and, often, agreeableness. But the truth is, almost nothing commands more respect, or deepens desire, than a well-placed "no." In theory, this notion might sound counterintuitive. After all, we are often taught to be agreeable, accommodating, and somewhat low-maintenance for our loved ones."

"However, the truth is that in any long-term romantic relationship, partners who can't say "no" often end up feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated and strangely disconnected from the very person they're trying so hard to please. Moreover, such instances of self-abandonment accumulate over time and usually result in unpredictable emotional outbursts. Meanwhile, the partners who can say "no" kindly, clearly and without harboring any hostility remain grounded. And that very groundedness is what makes them magnetic."

"Exhibiting the ability to say "no" without guilt, panic, or the imposed pressure of overexplaining is a way of communicating secure attachment. A review of studies published in Brain Sciences shows that securely attached individuals have balanced, steady internal regulation. As a result, their nervous system and nonverbal behavior remain composed, even when they assert boundaries."

"Additionally, people with secure attachment styles tend to be aware of their own limits, own their needs, and treat themselves with respect. They're able to tolerate the discomfort of disappointing someone without abandoning themselves. People instinctively gravitate toward this emotional stability, as it signals predictability and safety- highly coveted qualities in a long-term partner."

Partners who cannot say no often feel overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and disconnected, with repeated self-abandonment leading to unpredictable emotional outbursts. Partners who say no kindly and clearly remain emotionally grounded and become more magnetic to others. Saying no without guilt or excessive explanation signals secure attachment and balanced internal regulation, producing composed nonverbal behavior even while asserting boundaries. Securely attached individuals tend to know their limits, acknowledge their needs, and tolerate the discomfort of disappointing someone without abandoning themselves. Emotional stability signals predictability and safety, qualities sought after in long-term relationships.

Read at Psychology Today