The personality trait that can cost you in negotiations

Negotiation is often framed as reaching agreement, but refusing a request can feel especially difficult in relationships. Many people avoid being disagreeable, particularly when a friend’s need makes the request feel more important. Personality research using the five-factor model identifies agreeableness as a trait linked to kindness, empathy, politeness, cooperation, and consideration. People high in agreeableness tend to comply with social expectations and obey rules, which can shape negotiation behavior. When asked to participate in something or provide help, agreeable individuals may feel stronger pressure to say yes, even when they would prefer to decline.

"We often think that the point of a negotiation is to reach an agreement. The top-selling book on negotiation is called Getting to Yes, after all. The implication is that a good negotiator is someone who makes deals, not someone who walks away. In relationships, this problem is even worse. Most of us don't want to think of ourselves as someone who turns a friend down. And the more they need our help, the more important the request is to them, the harder it is. Where does this come from?"

"The current state of the art in describing personality is something called the five-factor model. If you give a large group of subjects a personality test with hundreds of questions, you will find certain identifiable patterns: Some of the questions tend to get similar answers from the same people. The people who say, "I always show up to meetings on time" also tend to say, "I keep my desk tidy" and "I never take office supplies home with me." Once you have a stable group of questions that track together, psychologists try to name the underlying quality that unites those people."

"Most personality psychologists agree that factor analysis yields five variables, known as "The Big Five." They are extraversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism, and openness to experience. If you are quite high on the agreeableness scale, it turns out that that has a big influence on how you perform in a negotiation. Agreeable people tend to be kind, empathetic, polite, cooperative, and considerate."

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