I'm 38 and I just figured out that the approval I spent my twenties chasing was from people who were structurally incapable of giving it, and the chase itself was the proof, not the path - Silicon Canals

"Marcus spent seventeen years trying to get his father, a retired naval officer, to say he was proud of him. His father had told him at age nine that emotions were a kind of weakness, shaping Marcus's lifelong pursuit of approval."

"The conventional wisdom is wrong about validation-seeking. Most advice treats it as a self-esteem problem, suggesting affirmations and therapy, but this misses the actual mechanism behind the chase for approval."

"The pattern observed in many individuals is that they spent formative years trying to win approval from people who were incapable of giving it, not because they were unwilling, but due to their own personality architecture."

Many individuals spend years seeking validation from figures who are emotionally unavailable. This pursuit often stems from childhood experiences where approval was sought from those incapable of giving it. The conventional wisdom framing validation-seeking as a self-esteem issue overlooks the deeper psychological patterns. Instead of focusing solely on self-belief, it is essential to recognize the influence of early relationships and the personalities of those we seek approval from, which can shape our validation-seeking behaviors throughout life.

Read at Silicon Canals