"Psychologist Jennifer Crocker at the University of Michigan developed a framework called contingencies of self-worth that explains exactly what I was doing. Her research shows that people don't just have high or low self-esteem as a fixed trait. They have specific domains where their self-esteem is staked."
"For people like me, it's others' approval. When your self-worth is contingent on being needed or validated by other people, every success in that domain gives you a temporary boost. Someone asks for your help, you feel valuable."
"Crocker's research also shows the cost. When your worth is tied to a domain, failure in that domain doesn't just feel disappointing. It feels like you're nobody. The pursuit of self-esteem through these contingencies comes at a real price to learning, relationships, autonomy, and mental health."
A person experienced a moment of panic when left without responsibilities, realizing their identity was built around being needed by others. Psychologist Jennifer Crocker's research on contingencies of self-worth explains that self-esteem can be tied to specific domains, such as others' approval. When self-worth is contingent on being useful, successes provide temporary boosts, while failures lead to feelings of worthlessness. This reliance on usefulness can negatively impact learning, relationships, autonomy, and mental health, highlighting the cost of such a dependency on external validation.
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