I used to think forgiveness meant I had to feel peaceful about what happened. It took me until my late thirties to understand that forgiveness is just the moment you stop carrying someone else's debt in your own body and it has absolutely nothing to do with how you feel about them. - Silicon Canals

"Forgiveness doesn't require emotional resolution. It requires a decision. And those are very different things. Conventional wisdom around forgiveness is almost religious in its framing: let go, release the anger, find peace."

"When someone wrongs you, your brain does something remarkably concrete: it opens a ledger. Psychologists who study forgiveness describe it in terms of perceived transgression and the resulting 'debt' the offender now carries."

"The problem is that your body doesn't distinguish between a debt someone else is carrying and a debt you're carrying yourself. The cortisol doesn't care whose fault it is."

Forgiveness is often misunderstood as achieving emotional resolution, but it is actually a decision. Conventional wisdom emphasizes letting go of anger for personal peace, which overlooks the complexities of resentment in the nervous system. When wronged, the brain creates a ledger of perceived transgressions, leading to a sense of debt. This debt affects the body, causing physical tension and stress, regardless of who is at fault. Understanding forgiveness as a decision rather than an emotional state can change how one approaches healing from wrongs.

Read at Silicon Canals