The article highlights a common parenting mistake: penalizing children by removing cherished activities when they struggle, such as taking a teenager off a sports team due to poor grades. It emphasizes that focusing on weaknesses rather than strengths leads to disengagement, particularly in a high-pressure achievement culture. Drawing on decades of research, it suggests that the key to nurturing resilience and capability in children lies in identifying and fostering their strengthsâreferred to as 'islands of competence'ârather than solely addressing their shortcomings.
When a child encounters difficulty, it's common for parents to feel like they don't have many levers to pull. Yet my experience working with children has taught me a valuable lesson: When a kid is falling short, penalizing them by taking away what they care about is not the way to motivate them.
Raising humans is an imperfect, iterative process. The current parenting landscapeâdefined by an ever-present worry over achievementâcan lead parents to focus on what children lack rather than on where they excel.
Decades of research have shown that a key to raising capable young people isn't to target their struggles but to recognize, cultivate, and build on their strengths, or 'islands of competence'.
The term 'islands of competence' was introduced by psychologist Robert Brooks, emphasizing the importance of focusing on what children do well rather than just identifying their weaknesses.
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