The article discusses the complex dynamics of sibling relationships, focusing on the struggles faced by older siblings who feel pressure to sacrifice their boundaries for younger siblings. It highlights how favoritism, particularly based on gender, can create feelings of injustice and resentment, and how deep-seated beliefs about family loyalty can perpetuate harmful behaviors. Additionally, the piece emphasizes the negative impact of dismissing abusive relationships under the guise of familial love and the contrast in sibling behaviors that shape relationships over time, ultimately affecting individuals' emotional well-being.
It always upset me (oldest child here) when I was told to just give in to my younger siblings or to sacrifice my autonomy for them. Examples: being forced to hand over my own things or special items so the younger one wouldn't scream or allowing them in my room when I wanted peace and quiet or privacy. Or not being allowed to act like a kid because I was 'the role model.'
My younger brother always got whatever he wanted because he's the boy. No other reason. Even though my mom knows it's wrong, she treats my nephew better than my niece (who is the youngest). Because he's a boy. No other reason.
Perpetuating the idea that 'family always comes first' among siblings. It can cause a lot of pain, especially when it's used in families with narcissistic family members. It can be used to excuse any bad behavior with, 'But she's your SISTER! You have to forgive her' kind of logic. Setting boundaries with those siblings can be awful down the road.
'You'll understand/be closer/be friends when you're older,' or 'deep down you both really love each other' in response to sibling bullying. I didn't realize until I was older how much I had internalized these messages about my physically abusive brother and transferred them to my romantic relationships. If someone is hurting you, dismissing it by saying you love each other or will understand in some distant future is incredibly damaging, and will likely never get closure about all of it.
ANNOYING YOUR SIBLINGS ON PURPOSE. My brother and I never did this, and I see such a huge difference in our relationship vs. the relationship some of my friends have with their siblings. I've been friends with one of my roommates for a long time, and now that we live together, we've adopted a bit of a sibling dynamic. However, to me, that means just being friends, but to her, that means being super annoying and pushing my button
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