Harriette Cole: The son I didn't know I had is upsetting my household
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Harriette Cole: The son I didn't know I had is upsetting my household
"I didn't know him as he was growing up; I learned about him when he was already 18, and since then we've stayed in touch through visits, calls and texts. When his mother passed away, he asked to move in with me. My wife and daughters supported the decision, and he's been living with us for about a year now. He's 25, has a steady job and is even considering school, which I'm proud of. At home, however, he's become demanding and dismissive."
"Sit down and talk to your son. Ask what's bothering him. Remind him that he has been through a lot and you are doing your best to be there for him, but you do not appreciate his current behavior. Probe to see what is going on in his life that has triggered this new negativity. Suggest that he go to therapy to address some of his issues. If he refuses to make an effort, you may need to encourage him to find his own place."
An adult son moved into a parent's home after his mother's death but now behaves demanding and dismissive despite steady employment and schooling prospects. The parent feels punished for past absence and experiences tension, walking on eggshells. The recommended response is to have a frank conversation, ask what is bothering the son, acknowledge his past trauma, and urge therapy to address underlying issues. If the son refuses to engage or remain respectful, the parent should enforce boundaries and consider asking him to find his own place. An elderly grandparent feels pressured to babysit energetic grandchildren and struggles with the expectation placed by her daughter.
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