Joel Souza shared his harrowing experience post-accident: "When I tell someone it ruined me, I don't mean in the sense that people might generally think. I don't mean that it put my career in ruins; I mean, internally, the person I was just went away. That stopped." He candidly expressed that the emotional and psychological aftermath has left him feeling completely altered and devastated.
In reflecting on the moments after the shooting, Souza recounted, "The doctor kept telling me in Santa Fe, 'You know how lucky you are?' And I'm like, 'I don't feel very f-king lucky.' It missed my lung by this much. It stopped about that far away from my spine, fortunately." This highlights his struggle to perceive the silver lining amid physical trauma.
During his recovery, Souza admitted to grappling with despair, stating, "No, I wasn't [grateful to be alive]. I remember specifically going to sleep that night and hoping I didn't wake up the next morning. I hoped I would just bleed out overnight because I didn't want to be around anymore." This revelation sheds light on the depth of his emotional pain following the incident.
Souza revealed the lasting impact of the tragedy, saying, "I am not a person who had nightmares, and then I started having nightmares nightly, for over a year. They were just wake-me-up-in-a-cold-sweat kind of nightmares. Sometimes they were very formless and shapeless, and sometimes they were very specific." This emphasizes the psychological toll the incident took on him.
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