The article emphasizes the detrimental impact of "should" statements on personal expectations and motivations. It highlights how setting goals based on societal norms or external pressures can create unnecessary stress and distance individuals from their true values. The author encourages readers to explore their genuine desires and base their actions on these values rather than unwarranted expectations. Additionally, the piece advocates for awareness of one's thoughts and expectations, suggesting that understanding and redefining them can lead to more meaningful, fulfilling actions in life.
One of my favorite therapy phrases is "Stop shoulding on yourself." This is a humorous way to remind yourself that it is easy to create unrealistic and ungenuine personal expectations based on a sense of should vs. your true desires or values.
You may tell yourself you should do something, but do you genuinely want to do it, and will it benefit you?
We often feel more motivated when behavior is meaningful to us and not based on what sounds good or what someone else may want us to do.
To practice shifting from shoulds to values-based action, first nonjudgmentally notice and name your thoughts and expectations.
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