This may be less a question of whether your husband is rude for indulging his yen for sugar than is it healthy for him. How's his weight? His blood sugar levels? Any diabetes in the family? What does his doctor think about it? While ordering dessert before dinner and again afterward is unusual, I'm not sure it is rude. It may, however, be a bid for attention.
You seem pretty clear about the casualness of this relationship. If it's OK with you, OK with him and OK with wife No. 3, then it's OK with me. OK?
I wonder if this may be my fault. I always say good things about him, while I discover many negative issues have been raised about me. Once, when I confronted him.
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