Why Self-Compassion Fails After Complex Trauma

"We try to understand and grow it, but many of us cannot. This is not because we are damaged or less than. It is because our body feels unsafe. This is especially true for self-kindness, which is one of the domains of self-compassion. Offering ourselves kindness when our internal systems feel stretched out, out of control, and unworthy is simply not a possibility for most of us at this stage."

"This is why I propose a reframe: shifting from self-compassion to intentional self-attunement. This language better reflects what is both possible and effective for trauma survivors, especially in early stages of trauma intervention. It moves away from a vague emotional ideal and toward a grounded practice rooted in neuroscience, attachment theory, and trauma integration. To understand why self-compassion often feels impossible for trauma survivors, we need to examine what happens in the brain after trauma."

Self-compassion often correlates with reduced anxiety, depression, and improved health, but it can feel unattainable or triggering for many trauma survivors. Trauma can leave the body feeling unsafe, making self-kindness and other self-compassion domains difficult in early or complex trauma. Intentional self-attunement offers a grounded alternative focused on practical, neuroscience- and attachment-informed steps. This reframe emphasizes what is possible and effective during early trauma intervention rather than an emotional ideal. Survival responses like fight, flight, or freeze activate during trauma, and lingering triggers can repeatedly reactivate those nervous-system responses after the event.

Read at Psychology Today