"I'd look for something new to take on: a class, a language, a project, a degree. Once, in the span of a single week, I signed up for language classes, researched getting certified in something I didn't actually want to do, and convinced myself I needed to start training for a 10K. Because if I was doing something productive, I wouldn't have to sit with what I was feeling. That was the pattern: uncomfortable emotion → frantic pursuit of something "more.""
"Looking back, I can see why. I spent a lot of my life trying to earn my place, not because anyone said I wasn't enough, but because it never really felt safe to just be. There was a kind of emotional instability in my world growing up that made me hyperaware of how others were feeling and what they needed from me."
When faced with sadness, insecurity, or loneliness, the person immediately jumps into action, signing up for classes, projects, or training to avoid sitting with the feeling. Busyness becomes a habitual strategy: productive activity masks uncomfortable emotions, offering only temporary relief followed by an inevitable crash. The underlying motivation is not skill acquisition but a search for a sense of being enough. Early emotional instability cultivated shape‑shifting behaviors, people‑pleasing, perfectionism, and a chronic drive to prove oneself. Achievements never deliver lasting safety or satisfaction. Emotional cravings cannot be satisfied by external accomplishments alone, which perpetuates the cycle.
Read at Tiny Buddha
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