It feels like we are living in a time where the primary relationship skill people learn is how to protect themselves. We are trained to look for red flags, to not be "too trusting," to stay guarded, in control. And sure, some of that is necessary. But we do not realize that we have become very good at protecting ourselves...and very bad at connecting with each other.
Have you run into someone who is always bubbly, upbeat, and never seems down on life? The truth is, everyone experiences both positive and negative emotions-and when someone seems incapable of acknowledging anything less than happiness or joy in their lives, it could be a sign they're avoidant of more uncomfortable feelings. Yes, allowing yourself to recognize and experience sadness, guilt, shame, embarrassment, and anger can be unpleasant. It can bring up painful memories or cause worry about current relationships.
I'd look for something new to take on: a class, a language, a project, a degree. Once, in the span of a single week, I signed up for language classes, researched getting certified in something I didn't actually want to do, and convinced myself I needed to start training for a 10K. Because if I was doing something productive, I wouldn't have to sit with what I was feeling. That was the pattern: uncomfortable emotion → frantic pursuit of something "more."
Ever since I discovered the mating dynamics of the deep-sea anglerfish, where the male fuses with the female, and how closely this mirrors some disturbing human relationship patterns, I have been chewing over the idea that everything that exists in our unconscious also exists in the ocean. From the methodical violence of sharks, to dolphins who mourn their dead and jellyfish whose pulsating contractions remind me of my labour,
You cried into your ice cream. You deleted the photos. You tossed out their hoodie. Maybe you even changed your Spotify password so you'd stop streaming your song. Now what? Breakups are brutal. And in the emotional wreckage, many of us do what feels easiest, whatever helps us avoid the pain. Often, that means finding someone new, fast.