"Ask Chris how she feels about her life on a typical day, and she says she has nothing to complain about-work is "OK," her relationship with her partner is doing "fine." Ask her what she gets excited about, she takes a deep breath and pauses for a long moment- I'm thinking, she says, after a few beats. Chris is not clinically depressed, where everything in her life is shaded in deep grays, and a "why bother?" attitude is her default."
"Being self-critical is like having a bully constantly watching you and scolding you for what they see as minor mistakes-what you said or didn't say, what you failed to do, or what you overlooked. You've broken some rule, some code of conduct created by parents, authority figures, or society. And there are no statutes of limitations; you are never forgiven, and past offenses are always haunting you."
Persistent self-criticism, perfectionism, and hypervigilance undermine the capacity to experience excitement and joy. Self-criticism functions like an internal bully that continually condemns perceived mistakes and replays past offenses. Perfectionism keeps attention fixed on future errors, driven by anxiety, preventing full presence and appreciation of the moment. Hypervigilance, rooted in early life, fosters constant monitoring and guardedness that dampens spontaneity. Reducing the intensity of the inner critic strengthens positive neural circuits associated with happiness. Shifting attention from outcomes to processes can enrich daily experiences and make joy more accessible.
Read at Psychology Today
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