Remembering What Hurts: Quieting the Echoes of Wounds

"We don't simply "get over" a trauma or loss because we can't rid ourselves of memories and their effects on our present emotional experiences. However, if memories are not constantly replayed in our minds, they may fade beneath the layers of subsequent memories, unless a retrieval cue prompts their recall. In this sense, the passage of time can provide a resting place for memories that hurt."

"This triggering may result from perceiving that the trauma is central to one's identity. But the trauma can become, as a result, more significant to one's identity if the repetition gives it a prominent role. A person may be motivated to self-trigger in an attempt to make sense of the traumatic event or to control or predict their feelings, such as when they try to align an internal state of distress with an external experience (Bellet, Jones, et al., 2020)."

Traumatic memories cannot be erased and continue to influence present emotional experiences, although they may fade beneath subsequent memories when not repeatedly replayed. Time can provide a resting place for painful memories unless retrieval cues prompt recall. Individuals who experienced interpersonal trauma may seek or create reminders that trigger recollection, especially when the trauma becomes central to identity through repetition. Self-triggering can serve attempts to make sense of events or to control and predict emotions. Moments of sadness or fear can spontaneously conjure traumatic imagery and reliving. Revisiting distressing memories can be necessary to learn to recognize feelings, inhibit ruminations, and modify responses.

Read at Psychology Today