"She's not depressed, but her zest to grow and improve feels distant. It's been 10 years since she completed a Master's on top of full-time work, and she wonders where that energy and ambition came from. That person seems far away now. Like many of us, Maryanne has internalized a specific model of growth, that's about setting a clear goal, and pursuing it relentlessly and stoically. That's such a dominant model of self-improvement, we may not realize it's not the only model."
"A lot of self-improvement emphasizes succeeding through greater rigidity: being consistent no matter what, sticking to routines and meeting expectations no matter what is happening inside or around you. That is seen as strong. In a way it is, but it can also be a method people use when they don't have other, more subtle gears to access. They only know how to approach growth at full gas."
Maryanne feels listless as external stresses and life changes dull her previous ambition and energy. She no longer identifies with the single-minded, stoic model of growth built around relentless pursuit of clear goals. An alternative approach is smart flexibility: adjusting plans intelligently instead of forcing consistency at all costs. Smart flexibility requires self-trust, responsiveness, and multiple skills or "gears" beyond grit, allowing shifting emphasis week to week between maintenance and growth. Growth can emerge from adapting to life’s complexities, acknowledging changing capacities, and using flexible strategies that respond to current circumstances rather than strict rules.
Read at Psychology Today
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