"I have spent a year helping my elderly parents sell their house and pay off tremendous debt, mostly due to my mother's spending and hoarding. My father is unable to handle anything due to health issues. I have had help from my family so I'm not alone in this. I am still very involved with helping them with finances and doctors. They are in a small rental now with no maintenance or yard duties."
"Your therapist can help you sort through what's yours to own and what feelings or sentiments you can release. Your therapist can also help you set up good boundaries with your mother, because it sounds like that's going to be necessary. A boundary won't stop her from making remarks, but it can give you options for what to do and say and how to remove yourself from situations that are harmful to your emotional state."
The caregiver spent a year selling their parents' house, paying off large debts caused by the mother's hoarding and spending, and coordinating moves, movers, dumpsters, and estate sales while the father was incapacitated by health issues. The mother accuses the caregiver of stealing and offers backhanded thanks and criticisms, provoking deep resentment and difficulty being around her. Therapy helps identify which emotions to own and which to release, and to establish boundaries that provide options to disengage from harmful situations. The mother's hoarding and financial mismanagement likely stem from unaddressed trauma and grief, which limit her coping and response capacity.
Read at www.mercurynews.com
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