"I'm free." For three years, I imagined that would be my reaction when my stint as caregiver to my 100-year-old mother came to an end. But to my surprise, coming and going as I pleased became foreign to me during the years I was taking care of her. When she was gone, I had to not only relearn how to get up and go but also find a reason to want to.
People think job stress can be caused only by dealing with unpleasant colleagues, and burnout is primarily thought of as a product of continuing to do something you hate. But those things can also happen when you're in the company of someone you care for deeply and doing something good. The one in five Americans who care for older or disabled friends and family members know this push and pull all too well.
In 2020, my 97-year-old mother, Angelina Duffy - who lived across the street from me in Manhattan, New York - was fresh out of rehab after a bout of pneumonia. I thought it was best if she stayed with us for at least a week as a precaution. Neil, my husband of 35 years, put his hand on my shoulder and said, "She can't go back to her apartment." So right before lockdown, my mother moved into the former bedroom of my 28-year-old son, Luke. Because of the pandemic, I had a full house. Besides my mother, Neil and my 25-year-old daughter, Meg, were working from home. Luke had also moved back to New York after two years of working in Silicon Valley, and he settled into his grandmother's now empty apartment across the street, joining us for meals. As a freelancer for three decades, working from home was nothing new to me.
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