#introversion

#introversion

The end of the Christmas and New Year party season may mean that the emotional tone of early January appears somewhat quiet and downbeat, perhaps in contrast to the previous social whirl of December, and therefore many may well feel correspondingly gloomy right now. However, it could be that extraverts, the personality type defined by psychologists as more outgoing and sociable, will feel particularly deprived of socializing opportunities at this more subdued time of the year,

It's not just the holiday season. We live with this tension every day. The pull toward solitude versus the longing to belong is not a simple dichotomy but something that requires constant reflection and recalibration. For me, it is one of the central challenges of being human. When I say "group," I mean more than casual socializing. I include much of our outer world: family, school, work, groups formed by hobbies or shared interests (bandmates, pickleball team, neighborhood boards, volunteer organization, and more).

The book I wrote isn't even about introversion. But the process dispelled any doubt about where I fall on the introvert/extrovert scale. My project was to collect childless and childfree wisdom from academics, experts, and lay people. I talked with hundreds of people about the topic and had a ball. Extrovert, right? Not so fast. Sure, I talked with a lot of people when I was interviewing, but most meetings were one-on-one or in groups of no more than eight participants.

This summer has been a season jam-packed with a rapid succession of family reunions, road trips to visit far-flung loved ones, and hosting what a friend impishly refers to as "house pests." As a non-parent introvert, I'm saturated. The extended immersion in family gatherings involves everyone else's children. Doesn't matter if the kids are absent or in attendance. They're still omnipresent, mentioned frequently as a main topic of conversation.

I'm an introvert. Actually, I'm one of those extroverted introverts. Once I force myself to get out there and talk with people, I really enjoy it. But the thought of it beforehand can be overwhelming. I also consider myself a creative person. I do a lot of wondering and mulling and some occasional stewing and brewing and dwelling. It's solitary and sometimes lonely up there inside my head.

I've embarked on a five-year mission to become more outgoing, figuring out which situations I could be comfortable in, and setting myself exercises in social etiquette.

Most of my lifelong friendships have been with those who share a common characteristic, be it intellectual interests or values, demonstrating the importance of connection in friendship.