#emotionally-focused-therapy-eft
#emotionally-focused-therapy-eft

32 minutes ago

The Quiet War on Your Happiness, and How to Win It

A quiet war on happiness is fought through distractions that pull attention away from the present moment.

19 hours ago

Mindfulness

Is Your Pursuit of Happiness Making You Sad?

Psychology says the happiest people aren't the ones who found their passion - they're the ones who stopped treating their life as a problem that needed solving - Silicon Canals

The relentless pursuit of passion may lead to unhappiness, while embracing diverse interests can foster a richer, more fulfilling life.

32 minutes ago

The Quiet War on Your Happiness, and How to Win It

A quiet war on happiness is fought through distractions that pull attention away from the present moment.

19 hours ago

Is Your Pursuit of Happiness Making You Sad?

Valuing happiness as a goal can lead to emotional bankruptcy and a self-defeating cycle of constant internal surveillance.

Psychology says the happiest people aren't the ones who found their passion - they're the ones who stopped treating their life as a problem that needed solving - Silicon Canals

The relentless pursuit of passion may lead to unhappiness, while embracing diverse interests can foster a richer, more fulfilling life.

more#happiness

fromwww.theguardian.com

2 hours ago

Always in crisis mode? You might be catastrophizing here's how to stop

Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion where individuals jump to the worst possible conclusions, often leading to chronic distress and mental health issues.

Psychology says people who were the emotional anchor for their families rarely experience loneliness as a single event. They experience it as a slow accounting where they realize the support only ever flowed in one direction and nobody designed a return current. - Silicon Canals

Family support often flows in one direction, with one person bearing the emotional load while others remain uninvolved.

Why I Let My Kids See My Sadness Now (After Hiding It for Years) - Tiny Buddha

Embracing vulnerability allows deeper connections with loved ones, as hiding emotions can create barriers instead of fostering understanding and support.

I'm 37 and I finally figured out that vulnerability isn't saying something brave in a room full of strangers - it's telling the person who matters most that you're not okay and meaning it - Silicon Canals

True vulnerability is sharing fears with those who matter, not just public displays of emotional openness.

Parenting

3 hours ago

Why I Let My Kids See My Sadness Now (After Hiding It for Years) - Tiny Buddha

Embracing vulnerability allows deeper connections with loved ones, as hiding emotions can create barriers instead of fostering understanding and support.

I'm 37 and I finally figured out that vulnerability isn't saying something brave in a room full of strangers - it's telling the person who matters most that you're not okay and meaning it - Silicon Canals

True vulnerability is sharing fears with those who matter, not just public displays of emotional openness.

Let's Rethink the "Doomer" Label

Labeling AI critics as 'doomers' hinders essential discussions about the technology's risks and impacts on human connection.

Careers

8 hours ago

I'm 66 and I no longer spend any energy on people who make me feel like I have to earn my place in the room - not because I became cold, but because I finally understood that ease is not a low standard, it is the only standard that matters at this stage, and the people who meet it know who they are and so do I - Silicon Canals

Realizing the exhaustion of constantly proving oneself can lead to a liberating shift in perspective and relationships.

Social justice

22 hours ago

Resilience and Reconstruction in Practice

A long-term approach is essential for supporting displaced individuals, emphasizing identity continuity and meaningful work for resilience.

Philosophy

How Storytelling Informs Relationships

Complexity involves understanding interdependence and multiple perspectives, essential for resolving conflicts and nurturing relationships.

Education

Why So Many Adults With ADHD Still Feel Wounded by School

Many adults with ADHD carry emotional wounds from school that affect their parenting and self-concept.

Books

Do You See Yourself in a Story?

Comic books have evolved into a serious medium for exploring trauma and psychological depth, exemplified by works like Maus.

All the Important Things a Scale Can't Measure - Tiny Buddha

Self-worth should not be determined by weight or numbers on a scale.

I'm 37 and I've already learned the hard way that self-worth takes time, healing isn't linear, and letting go is painful while you're learning to move forward - Silicon Canals

Carrying emotional weight from the past hinders self-worth; true self-worth is built internally, not through external validation.

Women

All the Important Things a Scale Can't Measure - Tiny Buddha

Self-worth should not be determined by weight or numbers on a scale.

fromAlternative Medicine Magazine

I'm 37 and I've already learned the hard way that self-worth takes time, healing isn't linear, and letting go is painful while you're learning to move forward - Silicon Canals

Carrying emotional weight from the past hinders self-worth; true self-worth is built internally, not through external validation.

more#self-worth

Alternative medicine

23 hours ago

Tips to Manage Daily Stress

Gen Z and Millennials are experiencing peak stress levels earlier, with burnout common by their 30s, affecting work, sleep, and daily routines.

Grief, Storytelling, and Identity

The concept album is a response to the brutal murder of Breedlove's father and stepmother at the hands of his stepbrother. The frame—the first song and the last—of the album is about the murders and their aftermath. But this is not a true crime record.

Music production

Yoga

fromYoga Journal

Feeling Overwhelmed? Indecisive? Stuck? Yoga Can Help. Here's How.

Indecision can stem from a physical response to fear, leading to a state called 'functional freeze' that affects both body and mind.

#parenting

Writing

Phone Down, Eyes Up: How to Really See the People We Love - Tiny Buddha

Offering attention is the most valuable gift we can give to others.

Parenting

3 Reasons to Stop Hiding Your Bad Habits From Your Kids

Parenting involves modeling honesty and resilience, as hiding flaws can distort children's moral development and trust.

Writing

Phone Down, Eyes Up: How to Really See the People We Love - Tiny Buddha

Offering attention is the most valuable gift we can give to others.

Parenting

3 Reasons to Stop Hiding Your Bad Habits From Your Kids

Parenting involves modeling honesty and resilience, as hiding flaws can distort children's moral development and trust.

Bridging the Gap From Here to Your Future Self

Imagining a future self strengthens connections to values and enhances life choices by tracing continuity from past to future.

Psychology says the adults most likely to end up in therapy aren't the ones who had dramatic or obviously painful childhoods - they're the ones who grew up in households where everything was technically fine, nobody was cruel, and something essential was quietly missing in a way that took decades to find the words for - Silicon Canals

Emotional neglect in seemingly fine childhoods can have profound effects, leaving individuals feeling their inner world doesn't matter.

Careers

fromEntrepreneur

5 hours ago

3 Hard Lessons I Learned From Saying 'Yes' Before I Felt Ready

Effort is often the only qualification needed for opportunities.

13 hours ago

The people who become extremely selective about their time in their forties aren't becoming antisocial. They've simply collected enough data to know exactly which interactions leave them feeling more like themselves and which ones require a recovery period that nobody sees. - Silicon Canals

Social interactions have an energetic and emotional cost that varies based on the individuals involved.

Becoming Comfortable With Discomfort

Comfort can hinder personal growth by creating avoidance of necessary discomfort and challenges.

Philosophy

fromThe Atlantic

6 hours ago

The Eighth Deadly Sin

The modern experience of disconnection and emptiness may represent a new form of sin, akin to the medieval concept of acedia.

Yoga

fromYoga Journal

Want to Drastically Improve Your Life? Start Telling the Truth.

A society built on lies cannot survive, as truth is essential for meaningful interactions and human dignity.

Why You Are Harder on Yourself Than Anyone Else

Accountability involves recognizing mistakes without self-blame or harsh judgment.

Our Feelings Contradict Each Other, and That's OK

Embrace both-and thinking to validate coexisting emotions and recognize the complexity of self-relationships.

19 hours ago

I realized at 66 that the reason I'm always tired has nothing to do with sleep. I've been running an internal monitoring system since childhood that tracks other people's moods, and it never shuts off, not even when I'm alone. - Silicon Canals

Emotional exhaustion can stem from lifelong habits of managing others' emotional states, leading to fatigue that sleep cannot alleviate.

Philosophy

3 days ago

The Radical Act of Listening to Understand

Listening to understand fosters connection and reveals shared experiences, bridging divides in communication.

7 hours ago

Psychology says the people who age most visibly aren't the ones with the hardest lives - they're the ones who never learned to put things down, who carried every disappointment and every grievance and every unfairness forward into the next decade, and the carrying shows, eventually, in ways that no amount of sleep or skincare has ever been shown to address - Silicon Canals

Chronic psychological stress and the inability to release emotional burdens accelerate aging and impact physical appearance.

#relationship-dynamics

The Surprising Truth About Partners Who Never Argue

Conflict-free relationships may indicate underlying issues rather than compatibility, as open discussions about differences strengthen bonds.

Too Sensitive-Or Just Right?

Push-pull cycles in relationships can be intensified by trauma, requiring both partners to recognize and take responsibility for change.

The Surprising Truth About Partners Who Never Argue

Conflict-free relationships may indicate underlying issues rather than compatibility, as open discussions about differences strengthen bonds.

more#relationship-dynamics

Too Sensitive-Or Just Right?

Push-pull cycles in relationships can be intensified by trauma, requiring both partners to recognize and take responsibility for change.

2 hours ago

Science Confirms How to Connect to Something Greater at Work

Spirituality in the workplace fosters connection and fulfillment, addressing disconnection and burnout among workers.

7 hours ago

I'm 66 and the most important thing I have done for myself in the last decade is learn to sit in a room alone without immediately filling it with something - without the television, the phone, the task - just the room and the light and whatever arrives in the quiet, and what arrives, it turns out, is mostly myself, and mostly myself is more than enough company - Silicon Canals

Learning to sit in silence and embrace stillness can be transformative and essential for personal growth.

Why We Stay in Relationships That Subtly Erode Us

Incrementally diminishing relationships persist due to human attachment to unpredictability and familiarity, despite emotional neglect and pain.

I'm in my 30s and I recently realized that every relationship I called easy was actually just a relationship where I did all the adjusting. Easy never meant compatible. It meant I had become so skilled at reshaping myself that friction disappeared, and I mistook the absence of friction for the presence of love. - Silicon Canals

Effortless relationships can mask deeper issues, often leading to self-erasure rather than true compatibility.

Psychology

Nobody warns you that when you stop caring what everyone thinks, you also discover which of your relationships were held together entirely by your willingness to be whoever the other person needed - Silicon Canals

Why We Stay in Relationships That Subtly Erode Us

Incrementally diminishing relationships persist due to human attachment to unpredictability and familiarity, despite emotional neglect and pain.

I'm in my 30s and I recently realized that every relationship I called easy was actually just a relationship where I did all the adjusting. Easy never meant compatible. It meant I had become so skilled at reshaping myself that friction disappeared, and I mistook the absence of friction for the presence of love. - Silicon Canals

Effortless relationships can mask deeper issues, often leading to self-erasure rather than true compatibility.

Nobody warns you that when you stop caring what everyone thinks, you also discover which of your relationships were held together entirely by your willingness to be whoever the other person needed - Silicon Canals

Stopping people-pleasing leads to a necessary audit of relationships, revealing which ones are genuine and which are based on expectations.

What if Your "Type" Is Just Unfinished Business?

Sexual imprinting influences adult attraction based on early relational experiences with caregivers and emotional dynamics in childhood.

EMDR in a World HyperFocused on Healing

EMDR is an evidence-based trauma therapy that helps reorganize fragmented experiences, leading to significant reductions in trauma symptoms.

Resentment Resolution: Free Yourself From Emotional Burdens

Resentment is a persistent feeling of unfair treatment that links past offenses, leading to a degenerative emotional state.

fromwww.theguardian.com

3 hours ago

Placeholder partners: are you the one' or just being used as a stopgap?

Placeholder partners are temporary relationships where one person believes they have a future together, but the other does not.

You Are Not a Project to Be Improved

Self-improvement can lead to anxiety and disconnection from genuine human connection.

The Hidden Impact of Ghosting Your Therapist

Ghosting is the act of withdrawing from communication without explanation, affecting various relationships including therapy.

22 hours ago

Are You Betraying Your Future Self?

Future self feels like a stranger, leading to overcommitment and lack of fulfillment in life choices.

3 Downsides of Being the "Easy" Partner

Being 'easy to be with' can lead to hidden psychological costs, including loss of personal preferences and self-silencing.

3 days ago

When Love Masquerades as Depression

A man named Jim struggled with severe depression after accidentally causing his stepson's death during a skiing accident.

Writing as a Tool for Self-Understanding

Writing through deep emotions can enhance mental clarity and promote long-term health benefits.

6 hours ago

Psychology says people who grew up in the 1960s and 70s don't handle hardship better than everyone else because they are stronger - they handle it better because they were never offered the alternative, and a person who was never offered the alternative develops a relationship with difficulty that people who were offered it spend their whole lives trying to build in a gym - Silicon Canals

Struggling is a norm for my generation because we never knew life could be comfortable.

It's Time to Rethink the "Anxiety Drives PDA" Narrative

PDA is not solely anxiety-driven; it shares traits with ADHD and ODD, suggesting a more complex relationship with demand avoidance.

From People-Pleasing to Self-Trust: How to Come Back to Yourself - Tiny Buddha

Indecision and people-pleasing stem from past experiences of conflict and self-doubt, leading to a loss of personal identity.

Psychology says the reason some people become gentler as they age while others become bitter has nothing to do with personality. It depends on whether they processed their grief along the way or stored it in their body and called it toughness - Silicon Canals

Grief, especially non-finite losses, significantly influences whether individuals become gentler or more bitter as they age.

Psychology suggests people who become difficult to be around with age are almost always carrying an unprocessed grief - for the life they expected and didn't get, for the recognition they believed they had earned and never received, for the version of themselves they were supposed to become - and the difficulty is what that grief sounds like when it has been stored as resentment for long enough to become the way they experience everything - Silicon Canals

Unprocessed grief can manifest as bitterness and negativity, stemming from unfulfilled dreams and unmet expectations in life.

Psychology says the reason some people become gentler as they age while others become bitter has nothing to do with personality. It depends on whether they processed their grief along the way or stored it in their body and called it toughness - Silicon Canals

Grief, especially non-finite losses, significantly influences whether individuals become gentler or more bitter as they age.

Psychology suggests people who become difficult to be around with age are almost always carrying an unprocessed grief - for the life they expected and didn't get, for the recognition they believed they had earned and never received, for the version of themselves they were supposed to become - and the difficulty is what that grief sounds like when it has been stored as resentment for long enough to become the way they experience everything - Silicon Canals

Unprocessed grief can manifest as bitterness and negativity, stemming from unfulfilled dreams and unmet expectations in life.

Why Feeling Heard Can Make or Break a Relationship

Genuine listening is essential in relationships, fostering emotional safety and connection over quick advice or analysis.

3 days ago

Do You Have to Be Healed to Be Whole?

Childhood trauma leaves lasting imprints; healing involves integration and acknowledging the past as an act of self-compassion.

16 hours ago

The moment I stopped apologizing before every request was the moment I realized I'd been treating my own needs as an imposition on other people's comfort. The apology wasn't politeness. It was a pre-negotiated discount on my own worth so nobody could reject me at full price. - Silicon Canals

Apologizing before requests often diminishes one's own worth and serves as a shield against rejection.

The cruelest form of loneliness isn't having nobody. It's having people who love you in a way that doesn't quite reach the part of you that needs reaching, so you feel guilty for still being hungry at a table that everyone else thinks is full. - Silicon Canals

Loneliness can persist even in loving relationships when emotional needs remain unmet and unexpressed.

Real Grit Means Mastering Your Emotions

Emotions must be experienced and harnessed for constructive use, rather than suppressed.

Is Believing You're Burned Out Burning You Out?

Burnout is often misdiagnosed and may be more preventable than perceived.

How to Break a Loop of Stuck Thinking

Flawed assumptions lead to stuck thinking; testing them can prevent errors and improve problem-solving.

The Obsessive-Compulsive Pursuit of Clarity Over Freedom

People with obsessive-compulsive personalities struggle with uncertainty and seek coherence to manage their moods.

Psychology says adults who have no close friends aren't necessarily antisocial or unlikable. Many of them learned in childhood that being vulnerable leads to pain, and they grew up assuming that keeping people at a distance is safer - Silicon Canals

Many people appear self-sufficient but struggle with deep-seated fears of vulnerability due to early attachment experiences.

#emotional-intelligence

Mindfulness

Psychology says being unbothered isn't emotional distance - it's the result of finally understanding which battles were never yours to fight - Silicon Canals

Children who grew up in homes where one parent was the peacekeeper and the other was the storm almost always become adults who can read a room in seconds but have no idea what they actually feel when nobody else is in it - Silicon Canals

Emotional intelligence can stem from childhood experiences in volatile family dynamics, leading to heightened perception of others but self-blindness.

Mindfulness

The Hidden Power of Naming What You Feel

Psychology says being unbothered isn't emotional distance - it's the result of finally understanding which battles were never yours to fight - Silicon Canals

Being unbothered is about recognizing which conflicts are not yours, not emotional detachment.

Children who grew up in homes where one parent was the peacekeeper and the other was the storm almost always become adults who can read a room in seconds but have no idea what they actually feel when nobody else is in it - Silicon Canals

Emotional intelligence can stem from childhood experiences in volatile family dynamics, leading to heightened perception of others but self-blindness.

more#emotional-intelligence

The Hidden Power of Naming What You Feel

Avoiding emotions strengthens them; naming feelings fosters thoughtful responses and self-awareness.

People who always respond with "fine" when asked how they are aren't lying - they learned, at some specific point in their life, that the true answer produced outcomes that were worse than the silence, and fine has been the silence ever since - Silicon Canals

Personal experiences with anxiety and emotional responses reveal deeper truths about coping mechanisms and the challenges of authentic communication.

Conquering Social Anxiety: The Courage to Reach Out

Power and wealth do not shield individuals from anxiety or shame; honesty can lead to healing.

People who always respond with "fine" when asked how they are aren't lying - they learned, at some specific point in their life, that the true answer produced outcomes that were worse than the silence, and fine has been the silence ever since - Silicon Canals

Personal experiences with anxiety and emotional responses reveal deeper truths about coping mechanisms and the challenges of authentic communication.

Conquering Social Anxiety: The Courage to Reach Out

Power and wealth do not shield individuals from anxiety or shame; honesty can lead to healing.

Developing True Resilience: Think Like a Scientist

Resilience is a set of skills developed over time through encountering difficulties, not a static trait.

The friend who always checks in on everyone but never tells anyone when they're struggling isn't hiding. They've simply never had the experience of someone noticing without being told, and after long enough, the idea of being spontaneously seen starts to feel like something that happens to other people. - Silicon Canals

Being the emotional caretaker in friendships can lead to neglecting one's own emotional needs and feelings.

Psychology says people who've mastered not caring aren't detached - they went through a period of caring so much it nearly broke them, and came out the other side with a much shorter list - Silicon Canals

Mastering the art of not caring comes from exhaustion, not indifference, after deeply caring and learning what deserves emotional energy.

The friend who always checks in on everyone but never tells anyone when they're struggling isn't hiding. They've simply never had the experience of someone noticing without being told, and after long enough, the idea of being spontaneously seen starts to feel like something that happens to other people. - Silicon Canals

Being the emotional caretaker in friendships can lead to neglecting one's own emotional needs and feelings.

Psychology says people who've mastered not caring aren't detached - they went through a period of caring so much it nearly broke them, and came out the other side with a much shorter list - Silicon Canals

Mastering the art of not caring comes from exhaustion, not indifference, after deeply caring and learning what deserves emotional energy.

more#emotional-health

When Therapy Treats You as the Problem to Fix

Distress can stem from internal issues, external context, or both, and recognizing this is crucial for effective therapy.

When Therapy Explains Before It Understands

Therapists may misinterpret clients' experiences by relying on familiar frameworks, potentially overlooking genuine feelings and differences.

When Therapy Treats You as the Problem to Fix

Distress can stem from internal issues, external context, or both, and recognizing this is crucial for effective therapy.

When Therapy Explains Before It Understands

Therapists may misinterpret clients' experiences by relying on familiar frameworks, potentially overlooking genuine feelings and differences.

I'm 44 and I have started paying attention to how I feel the morning after I spend time with someone - not during, when the performance is running, but after, when the honest version arrives - and that single habit has told me more about my relationships than twenty years of thinking about them - Silicon Canals

The morning after social interactions reveals true emotional states, often contrasting with the perceived enjoyment during the event.

You Don't Have a Libido Problem, You Have a Presence Problem

Low desire often stems from a lack of mental and emotional presence rather than a true absence of libido.

2 Signs You're Shrinking Your Needs

Social behaviors learned in childhood can limit adult expression and self-identity.

When Should We Be Over Our Trauma?

Healing from trauma is a complex process influenced by support, safety, and resources, not merely time.

Why Deep People Struggle in Modern Relationships

Modern dating prioritizes speed over depth, creating pressure that conflicts with those who need time for genuine connections.

Time-Outs Work, if We Can Learn to Do Them Right

Well-implemented time-outs lead to positive outcomes and healthier relationships in adults who experienced them as children.

Therapy in the Public Eye

Engaging methods in family assessments can lead to significant insights and relationship clarifications among family members.

Minimizing Unnecessary Drama

Increased drama leads to nervous system dysregulation, causing arguments and mood swings, but mindfulness can help mitigate this issue.

How Self-Compassion Helps You Take Real Responsibility

Self-compassion fosters accountability and well-being, while shame hinders personal growth and responsibility.

How Are You? There's a Good Chance You Might Not Even Know

Emotional awareness and proactive self-management are essential for breaking outdated behavioral patterns.

I Don't Want to Be Fixed, I Just Want to Be Heard

Couples often fight over whose reality is valid, but what they truly desire is to be heard without judgment or correction.

Science

2 months ago

The Healing Power of Real Human Attention

Titchener's attensity — the qualitative power of attention — was lost while empathy prevailed, enabling modern attention models that fueled the harmful attention economy.

Not everyone who goes quiet during an argument is punishing you. Some of them learned in childhood that their anger, once expressed, became the only thing anyone responded to, and the original hurt disappeared entirely. So they stopped expressing it. Not to win. To preserve the point. - Silicon Canals

Silence during conflict can stem from past trauma rather than being a power move.

Can Listening Move You to Love?

High-quality listening evokes Kama Muta, a powerful emotion of feeling moved by love, fostering emotional closeness in both listeners and speakers.

When the Body Heals: Recovery From Relational Stress

Emotional stressors can lead to chronic stress, affecting immunity and increasing autoimmune disease risk, but healing can occur after relational stress ends.

Slow Down for Love

Slowing down enhances relationships and personal well-being by improving the quality of experiences over the quantity of tasks.

When Parts Begin to Merge: Inside Integration

Integration is a complex, lived experience involving reorganization of the self, requiring safety and support systems for healing from complex trauma.

Psychology says people who apologize constantly without realizing it are more damaged than they appear - because they internalize blame and absorb conflict, a survival response from childhood, which never switches off even when they're safe - Silicon Canals

Excessive apologizing often stems from childhood experiences of mistreatment and can lead to chronic self-blame in adulthood.

What to Do When You Hit Life's Low Point

External crises trigger deep self-reflection, especially during midlife, leading to questions about fulfillment and the meaning of life.

Emotion Beliefs and Well-being

Beliefs about managing emotions significantly impact individual well-being and emotional struggles.

1 month ago

Emotions Are Facts: Why Therapy Requires Talking About Them

Discussing emotions is a fundamental, non-optional component of psychotherapy, not an optional preference that clients can avoid.

3 weeks ago

How to Let Go of the Need to Say "I Told You So"

The urge to say 'I told you so' stems from unmet validation needs rather than genuine helpfulness, and resisting this impulse through the observing self demonstrates psychological maturity and protects relationships.

1 month ago

Loosening the Grip: Finding Peace by Letting Go of What Hurts Us

You control your emotional response to hurt by shifting focus from toxic relationships when the pain of staying exceeds the pain of letting go.

1 month ago

How Therapy Can Make Us More Interested in Others

Psychological symptoms, not therapy, create self-obsessed focus; effective treatment frees people from internal preoccupation and enables engagement with others.