"Many, if not most, believe that others are trying their best, usually if not always. These individuals don't presume to know the hardships other people are experiencing but believe in their core goodness. So, they don't need to know specifically what someone is struggling with to give them grace."
"Other-oriented perfectionists, those who hold others to extremely high standards, tend to view people as lazy, hypocritical, and dependent in comparison to themselves, who they view as diligent, rational, and independent. Their disdain is expressed through comments like, 'You can always do better,' and 'But did you really try your best?'"
"So, you may be damned if you do and damned if you don't. If you admit that you didn't perform as well as you could have, then you're branded as lazy. And if you defend yourself, maintaining you did, you'll be criticized for lacking insight, if not outright deception: 'But you can always do better.'"
Two contrasting philosophies shape how people view others' efforts. Most people believe others are doing their best and extend grace without needing specific knowledge of their struggles. Conversely, perfectionists hold the belief that people should always try harder, implying others typically aren't trying their best. Other-oriented perfectionists view people as lazy and hypocritical compared to themselves. They create impossible standards where individuals face criticism regardless of outcome—labeled lazy if they admit underperformance, or accused of lacking insight if they claim they tried their best. Socially-prescribed perfectionists internalize these external demands, constantly seeking recognition while trapped in an endless cycle of trying to meet unrealistic expectations.
#perfectionism #social-expectations #interpersonal-dynamics #psychological-well-being #unrealistic-standards
Read at Psychology Today
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