Lessons in Loneliness

Loneliness is a painful subjective feeling tied to unmet desires for recognition or connection. Recognition can take many forms, and not all are available even from beloved people who know someone well. People seek recognition of unconditional human worth and recognition of particularity, meaning being seen, understood, and valued as a specific individual. Loneliness can occur when others fail to acknowledge or sufficiently appreciate a valued aspect of identity or self-conception. Even when a partner appreciates traits because they are part of the person, loneliness may persist if the partner does not value those traits in the affectively resonant way required. People also want recognition of aspirational selves, such as potential greatness as artists or writers, moral exemplarity, or thoughtful sensitivity in love. When those aspirational versions are not acknowledged, loneliness can result, especially if similar appreciation existed previously.

Read at The Philosopher