"This situation arose after a difficult morning when my wife was not at home, and the new dog chose to spend its time harassing the old dog, chewing up a pair of unmatched shoes, a phone charger and, while my back was turned, a 20 note."
"This dog, which will happily use up a spare 15 minutes barking at its own reflection in the glass of the back door, has apparently developed a nascent ability to hold a grudge: it's lying on a jute rug staring at the wall, resentful of having to share the room with me while I work at the kitchen table."
"Oh, my wife says. Also, you're 20 quid down, I say. This isn't true – plastic banknotes are pretty indestructible – but if I hadn't intervened it would be in the dog, and therefore unspendable."
"Instead I fall asleep in my wheeled desk chair, waking only when I find myself being pulled across the room by one of my shoelaces. All is forgiven, apparently."
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