A Good Mother Can Rewrite the Narrative and Drop the Guilt

"What we don't learn is that we can meet our own standards, behave in a way that we respect, and even be proud of our choices and efforts, and, at the same time, someone else can be disappointed in us, and not get what they need from us. The experience of being in alignment with ourselves and someone else being unhappy and even unhappy with us, lo and behold, can coexist."

"We don't have to blame ourselves when someone else's experience is not what they want it to be. We are responsible, solely, for behaving in a way that's in alignment with our own values, doing our best not to hurt others or ourselves, and trying to be our highest selves. Hurt still happens, amidst all that, it is not our fault, and also not in our control."

Guilt often stems from conditioned belief that one is responsible for others' discomfort or disappointment. Many women internalize a cultural narrative that equates caretaking with moral worth and defines failure as another person's unhappiness. It is possible to meet personal standards, act consistently with one's values, and accept pride in choices while someone else remains disappointed. Guilt is commonly used to reconcile alignment with self and another's unmet expectations by assuming responsibility for the other's feelings. Individuals are responsible for their behavior and intentions, not for controlling others' experiences. Hurt can occur despite good intentions and is neither necessarily one's fault nor fully controllable.

Read at Psychology Today