"Ever catch yourself wondering why people seem to drift away, or why social situations feel harder than they should be? I've been there. It took me years and some uncomfortable feedback to realize that certain behaviors I thought were completely normal were actually pushing people away. The truth is, we all have blind spots when it comes to our own behavior. What feels perfectly reasonable to us might be exhausting, frustrating, or even hurtful to those around us."
"I used to do this constantly. My partner would come home frustrated about work, and I'd launch into a full strategic analysis of their situation. "Have you considered talking to HR?" "What if you documented everything?" "Maybe you should look for another job?" It wasn't until they finally snapped one evening and said, "I don't need you to solve this, I just need you to listen," that I realized my tendency to analyze everything was exhausting for people who just wanted to vent."
Many everyday behaviors make people harder to be around. Seven common patterns include turning every conversation into a problem-solving session, centering interactions on one's own experiences, and chronic negativity or complaining. Other issues are interrupting or one-upping, failing to validate emotions or provide empathy, offering judgmental or critical responses, and emotional volatility or passive-aggressive reactions. These patterns feel normal to the person exhibiting them but exhaust or frustrate others. Awareness of these tendencies enables intentional change, replacing intellectualizing with listening, self-focus with reciprocity, criticism with curiosity, and reactivity with steadiness to improve relationships.
Read at Silicon Canals
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