You Can Empathize Instead of Shut a Loved One Down

"We all want to be emotionally safe, especially at home with the people that we love. Instead of lecturing or fixing, we can listen and understand. Providing advice to someone upset doesn't usually help them, and rushing to fix someone's problem leaves them alone with uncomfortable emotions. It also strips them of their self-efficacy, while making it about you because you are the "hero.""

"When you actively listen to a loved one, you may see what they are feeling. Everyone has experienced anger, sadness, grief, frustration, disappointment, anxiety, worry, and confusion, so they resonate with emotion. For example, you may not be able to relate to your son's plight regarding his college essay because writing comes easily to you. However, you do understand feeling frustrated and overwhelmed with an intimidating project and a looming deadline."

"When you empathize with what your loved one is feeling, they feel less "crazy," which is how intense negative emotions sometimes make us feel. They also feel connected to you because you get it, and are less alone in their plight. The closeness with you comforts and soothes them. They feel calmer and can think more clearly about ways to solve their dilemma. And, at this juncture, you have become a safe sounding board and can assist with problem-solving while continuing to empathize."

Emotional safety is vital at home with loved ones. Lecturing, advising, or rushing to fix problems often leaves people alone with uncomfortable emotions and undermines their self-efficacy. Active listening helps identify emotions such as anger, sadness, frustration, anxiety, and confusion by connecting through shared feelings rather than identical situations. Empathic statements — naming the emotion and acknowledging its intensity — help loved ones feel less 'crazy,' more connected, and comforted. Feeling soothed enables clearer thinking and collaborative problem-solving. Consistent empathy establishes a safe, supportive bond that encourages future openness and strengthens relational closeness.

Read at Psychology Today