""I can't live like this anymore! He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't touch me. He doesn't see me!" Sasha cries, wiping her nose with a tissue. Simon looks away; he's heard this a million times. I decide to lubricate the moment with some playfulness to help Simon see his role in this dance. "What do you think, Simon? Are you really emotionally challenged?" Sasha laughs awkwardly, not expecting me to put it that way."
"I see this often in the clinic: One partner (often the female in heterosexual relationships) pulls her partner into therapy because she's tired of feeling alone without intimacy. Like Sasha, the partner feels " lonely at the top" with superior emotional intelligence compared to her emotionally "limited" partner. I playfully call that supposedly "superior" partner "The Intimacy Queen" (or King), while the less verbal partner I call, with a wink and humor, "the Emotionally Challenged Partner.""
Clinicians frequently encounter couples in which one partner pulls the other into therapy due to unmet intimacy needs and loneliness. One partner often displays greater emotional expressiveness while the other appears emotionally withdrawn or unable to communicate feelings. This creates an unspoken hierarchical dynamic that harms the relationship through criticism, distance, and sexual disconnect. Many couples actually share similar levels of differentiation and capacity for intimacy. Therapeutic work focuses on disrupting entrenched roles, inviting less expressive partners to take up space, teaching emotional communication, and helping partners meet at eye level for mature intimacy.
Read at Psychology Today
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