As a couples therapist, I see the same patterns repeated in my office repeatedly. Clients often ask me, 'Why do I keep picking people who aren't good for me?' They've ended relationships with one problematic partner only to find themselves with someone similar the next time around.
If you grew up with inconsistent, overly critical, or emotionally unavailable parents, you might be drawn to partners with similar traits. Even if it's painful, the familiar can feel 'normal,' leading us to repeat cycles set in our formative years.
Take Emma, for instance. Raised by a distant and unaffectionate father, she unconsciously sought out partners who mirrored his aloofness. 'Why do I always fall for guys who are hard to reach emotionally?' she asked in a session.
Self-awareness is critical. If you can identify familiar, unhealthy dynamics, take small steps to rewrite them. Practice seeking out people who offer steadiness and kindness, even if they don't bring the 'rush' that the familiar rollercoaster brings.
#relationship-patterns #couples-therapy #self-awareness #compatibility-vs-chemistry #emotional-availability
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