When "Not Enough" Takes Over

"When we're under a lot of stress, our brains do something fascinating and often harmful to our relationships: They shift into scarcity mode. Often, people think of a scarcity mindset only as something related to our finances and resources: We don't have enough money, food, or time. But scarcity mindset, or the general belief that there isn't enough, impacts people in every area: their skills, their worth, their general capacity in life."

"We experience what researchers call "attentional tunneling," where we become hyper-focused on what's missing, often to the exclusion of everything else. Simultaneously, the cognitive load created by scarcity-induced worry impairs our working memory and cognitive flexibility. When you're stressed and overwhelmed, your brain literally narrows its focus, and you stop seeing the full picture. In a relationship, this can mean you miss the small moments of connection with your partner and overlook what is working in your relationship because you're fixated on what isn't."

Scarcity mindset causes the brain to narrow focus and prioritize perceived deficits over available resources. Under stress, attentional tunneling and increased cognitive load reduce working memory and cognitive flexibility. In relationships, narrowed attention makes partners miss small moments of connection and overlook strengths, amplifying feelings of insufficient time, energy, and attraction. Scarcity thinking extends beyond finances to beliefs about skills, worth, and capacity, seeping into daily interactions and increasing conflict, withdrawal, and resentment. Recognizing the biological basis of scarcity-induced perception creates an opportunity to deliberately shift attention, cultivate gratitude for present positives, and repair emotional connection.

Read at Psychology Today