"When desire fades or the bedroom grows silent, we often point to the surface- boredom, stress, a lack of spark. But let me tell you, sexual problems are rarely about sex alone. Sometimes, they're about unresolved trauma -a quiet force that shapes how we love, touch, and connect. It's the shadow we don't see, but it moves us all the same. It makes decisions for us that we're not aware of."
"Take a man who seems to pull away from his wife after her breast cancer treatment. To the outside eye, he might look callous, his desire dimmed because she lost a breast. But pause before judging. He's not an insensitive monster; he's drowning in feeling. Her illness forced him to face mortality-hers, his own-and that terror, unvoiced, becomes a wall. He's not rejecting her body; he's grappling with the fragility of life itself."
"As trauma expert Gabor Maté tells us, trauma isn't always bad things that happen to us. It can be good things that should have happened, but didn't. Childhood neglect, perhaps from a mother who had postpartum depression, can develop into a pattern of clinging too tightly or fleeing from closeness altogether. These early ruptures shape our attachment styles, wiring us to be avoidant, pushing love away, or be anxious, craving reassurance yet fearing abandonment."
Sexual problems frequently stem from unresolved trauma rather than purely sexual issues. Unspoken fear, grief, or past neglect can alter desire and create barriers to intimacy. Major life events, illness, or unfulfilled longings can trigger mortality fears, shame, or a sense of incompleteness that reduce sexual connection. Early caregiving ruptures can wire attachment styles toward avoidance or anxiety, influencing adult closeness. Healing sexual gridlock requires addressing underlying pain in a safe space, naming fears without shame, and transforming loss or terror into pathways for greater empathy and deepened intimacy rather than mechanical fixes.
Read at Psychology Today
Unable to calculate read time
Collection
[
|
...
]