The Messiness of Friendship

"At one point or another, we've all probably been that friend-the one who calls, texts, or sends a five-minute voice note with a long list of grievances. In the midst of complaining, a person might wonder: Am I venting too much? During a moment when much of modern friendship advice emphasizes trying not to overshare, venting-once treated as a basic expression of closeness-has come to be seen as risky, even impolite, Julie Beck writes."

"The fear of being "too much" or of "trauma-dumping" has led many people to hold back, Julie notes. Taken too far, this caution risks flattening friendship itself, she warns. Listening to your friends vent can be draining, yes-but it can also build intimacy. Friendship isn't about setting perfect boundaries: It's about making room, sometimes messily, for one another. Today's newsletter is about the small, imperfect ways we show up for our loved ones-and why that mess is often the point."

Modern friendship norms increasingly stigmatize venting, prompting people to hold back out of fear of being "too much" or "trauma-dumping." Excessive caution can flatten friendship and reduce opportunities for intimacy. Listening to friends' complaints can feel draining but also fosters closeness when people make space for messy emotional exchanges. In romantic partnerships, scheduling discussions about disagreements can encourage patience and reduce reactive conflict. A culture of passivity makes many reluctant to question friends' decisions, complicating how honesty and support coexist. Small, imperfect acts of showing up for others often sustain meaningful relationships.

Read at The Atlantic