Other people play a central role in well-being, success, and survival, and self-esteem reflects perceived social connectedness. Social connection strongly contributes to health and happiness, yet uncertainty remains about how best to form deep bonds and manage the risk of rejection. Research shows people consistently overestimate the risks of reaching out and underestimate how positively others will respond. Trust underlies genuine connection, defined as believing that someone cares and has one's best interests in mind. Reciprocity and frequent small positive interactions build connection more reliably than rare intense gestures. Personal beliefs about social danger can become barriers to connection.
Two decades ago, psychologist Christopher Peterson claimed that the emerging field of Positive Psychology could be summarized in three words: other people matter. These words could just as well summarize not only centuries of scholarship and wisdom, but also our everyday experience. Other people matter-for our well-being, success, and survival. Even our own self-esteem can serve as an " interpersonal monitor," shaped by how connected we feel to others.
University of Chicago psychologist Nick Epley investigates these and other mysteries of social connection. Yes, everyone experiences social pain, he agrees, and yes, connection always carries some risk. But among his most crucial findings is that we consistently overestimate how big that risk is. In fact, when we do reach out, people tend to respond much more positively to us than we imagine.
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