"Growing up, Melissa Shultz sometimes felt like she had two fathers. One version of her dad, she told me, was playful and quick to laugh. He was a compelling storyteller who helped shape her career as a writer, and he gave great bear hugs. He often bought her small gifts: a pink "princess" phone when she was a teen, toys for her sons when she became a mom."
"The other version of her father was "dark" and would "get so angry" that he seemed to lose control. He would freeze her out for months at a time if she challenged him. He'd call her names, even in front of her own kids. He died when she was in her 30s, and she grieved intensely, though she doubted whether they ever fully understood each other. Now in her 60s, Shultz told me she still mourns the relationship."
Many father-daughter relationships mix warmth and conflict, producing long-lasting emotional complexity. Melissa Shultz experienced a playful, supportive father who gave gifts, storytelling, and intimate moments like cutting his hair, alongside a darker, volatile side marked by anger, freezing out, insults, and eventual unresolved grief. Historical interviews found enriching attachments between fathers and daughters were rare, with daughters often saying, "I love my dad, but..." More recent research indicates fathers and daughters face higher rates of estrangement within nuclear families. These patterns leave many daughters mourning relationships and carrying ambivalent feelings into later life.
Read at The Atlantic
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