"I'm a 25-year-old woman currently in a poly relationship with a married man roughly 20 years my senior. This has by far been the best relationship I've ever had. However, something has me a bit on edge... His wife's response was NO, she didn't want to go there because she didn't want to have "sloppy seconds." It made me feel dirty."
"Additionally, the way he brushed this off means this isn't the first time... I hesitate to bring this up, because when I have needs or concerns, they label me as difficult or needy. Is this part of a bigger trend I'm missing?"
"I don't know you or how you are. It's entirely possible all your past relationships have been so bad that your best-relationship-ever bar is set tragically low. But taking a partner's needs and concerns seriously is one of the hallmarks of a good relationship, to say nothing of a "best relationship ever.""
A 25-year-old woman in a polyamorous relationship with a married man twenty years her senior describes it as her best relationship, yet experiences troubling dynamics. His wife rejected visiting a brewery restaurant the woman recommended, citing not wanting "sloppy seconds," which made the woman feel devalued. The man dismissed this response without addressing it, suggesting a pattern. When the woman raises concerns or expresses needs, both partners label her as difficult or needy. She questions whether her hurt feelings are justified or if they reflect her lower status in their relationship hierarchy. She hesitates to address the issue due to fear of being labeled demanding.
#polyamorous-relationships #relationship-dynamics #communication-issues #power-imbalance #emotional-validation
Read at Portland Mercury
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