"I realized the problem was really that she always waits for me to initiate intimacy. I even asked her to try something different by using a vibrator to get her in the mood. I just wanted to try something new with her. Her response was to plan a night around it, but she said she was tired at the time. I am terrified that she is no longer attracted to me."
"I don't expect anything nice for Christmas or birthdays, but for the last few years, I have spent money on nice, thoughtful gifts for her, but haven't received anything thoughtful in return. She mentioned recently that she doesn't know about us after the kids go to college. It was a half-joke/half-serious, but it hurt. I have done everything I can, including losing weight myself and looking the best I have in years."
"What is it about your wife initiating that is so important to you? Why do you think you "need" it? And how can you be so sure of that if it's not what you're getting? Right now, you have a mere hypothesis that you're attached to. I understand a general desire for engagement and attention. Having no uncertainty that your partner wants sex just as much as (or more"
A husband of nearly 18 years describes long-term lack of sexual initiation by his wife, recent performance anxiety, and failed supplement use that caused mood swings. He notes trying to encourage her sexual interest, suggesting vibrator use and requesting that she initiate, but she often says she is tired. He expresses fear that his wife no longer finds him attractive, hurt by a comment about uncertainty after the children leave, and disappointment over unilateral gift-giving. He reports losing weight, improving appearance, and patience while balancing his wife's work and caregiving stress. He suggests couples therapy if things don't improve and reports declining self-worth.
Read at Slate Magazine
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