"I'm a 44-year-old man and I've been married to a 45-year-old woman for the past 15 years. About six years ago, she told me that she was basically done with sex. While we have had sex maybe 10 times or so since then, her statement has been essentially true. She was never particularly sexual anyway (she never communicated about likes/dislikes, fantasies, masturbation, etc.) and didn't feel like physical intimacy was important to her."
"While I do not feel the same way, I have been, and continue to be, willing to continue our marriage this way. But here is my question: Through recent avid reading of this column, I have learned quite a bit regarding the spectrum of sexuality and have come to strongly believe that my wife is some version of asexual. In retrospect, I think she probably always has been. I don't think that she spends much time thinking about her own sexuality beyond it being something she can live without."
"Given the mores of millennials and Gen Z, it may be unfashionable to hold this opinion, but I believe labels can help everyone. They are shortcuts to understanding human complexity. Granted, they should be used with the tacit understanding that they can be imprecise and certainly do not describe everything (even about the qualities"
A husband reports a long-term lack of sexual activity after his wife declared she was basically done with sex six years earlier. The wife rarely communicated sexual interest, did not discuss fantasies or masturbation, and viewed physical intimacy as unimportant. The husband suspects she may be asexual and considers encouraging her to reflect or adopt a label to ease his own doubts and strengthen his confidence in the marriage. He recognizes that pursuing a label would primarily serve his needs rather than change her experience. Labels can act as shortcuts to understand human complexity but can be imprecise and limited.
Read at Slate Magazine
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