#asexuality

#asexuality

Asexuality as a sexual orientation reaches back to the first humans. But as an area of scientific study, it's relatively new. And its orientation cousin, aromanticism, is even newer on the scene: The first documented references to asexual-related behaviors appeared in the mid-19th century. One such reference came from Prussian human rights activist and journalist Karl Maria Kertbeny, in a 1869 pamphlet in which he coined the terms "homosexual" and "heterosexual." He referred to people who pleasure themselves primarily as "monosexuals."

After about six months of dating we decided to try an open arrangement so that Cameron could pursue people who are more sexual than I am. There were feelings of jealousy at first, but our relationship was strengthened because we had such strong communication, and I grew to feel really secure in our bond. It's been a huge blessing for us, because I've never loved sex.

We had sex the following year, and it was pretty meh; of course, we were only teens. We never had a hot relationship where we would have sex multiple times per day or in crazy places; she just never cared for anything other than straight penis-in-vagina sex. I always felt I was missing something, and during that time, I had multiple affairs.

In her early 20s, Sherrinford Holmes began to discover that she can't stand the feeling of being confined to any point on the gender spectrum, whether it's woman-which she said is how most people perceive her- man, or genderfluid. She likened the sensation to feeling weighed down by hotel bed sheets or blankets when she would prefer to kick them loose. "It feels restricting," said Holmes, now 33. "It feels suffocating."

I'm a 44-year-old man and I've been married to a 45-year-old woman for the past 15 years. About six years ago, she told me that she was basically done with sex. While we have had sex maybe 10 times or so since then, her statement has been essentially true. She was never particularly sexual anyway (she never communicated about likes/dislikes, fantasies, masturbation, etc.) and didn't feel like physical intimacy was important to her.

I've had exhaustive discussions about our ability to form a friendship knowing that she would like it to be more and she is very respectful of my boundaries.