"I am a woman who values physical intimacy and I am deeply attracted to her. I want to feel more desired and alive. But lovemaking is extremely rare, always initiated by me and follows the same pattern. She does not focus on giving me pleasure. The rest of the time I am rebuffed, leaving me feeling ashamed and unattractive. Even the mildest of playful or suggestive messages I send are met with silence."
"Sex is often an expression of your entire relationship and should not be ignored in the therapeutic environment. It can be difficult to bring up and discuss, but clearly you have strong feelings about the lack of intimacy, and are obviously sad and imbued with longing. If you do not give space to this great sense of loss and shame you are feeling, you are condemning yourself to continue in quiet desperation, and threatening the longevity of your marriage."
A long-term couple with young children experiences near-absent sexual intimacy. Lovemaking is extremely rare, always initiated by one partner, and follows a repetitive pattern without attention to the other's pleasure. The initiating partner feels deeply attracted, desires feeling desired, and is repeatedly rebuffed, producing shame and feelings of unattractiveness. Attempts to discuss the sexual problem outside therapy provoke avoidance or anger. Couples therapy has not yet successfully resolved the issue. Failing to create space for the resulting sense of loss and shame risks ongoing quiet desperation and threatens the marriage's longevity. Professional sexual-therapy resources and contact options are available for further help.
Read at www.theguardian.com
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