My mother is spending the holidays with me for the first time in years. I'm struggling with the added costs and to-dos.

"At first, I didn't really think about how my mother's arrival might change my own role for the holidays. I just thought about my mom, exhausted and heartbroken and unmoored by the loss of the husband she has lived with for more than half her life. But as she gets ready to fly to me for Christmas, I'm realizing she's going to need me to be her Santa."

"I have not spent Christmas with my mother in more than a decade. We have spent our Christmases apart simply because of geography. So, she's kept to herself for the holidays, and I've become the keeper of Christmas for my immediate family. Even as my sons grew up and moved away, taking on their own roles to make our holidays special, I'm still the list-maker, the "don't forget" reminder, and the decider in all things."

"My four sons, all between 25 and 31 years old, have helped lighten my load over the years, especially as their partners have come onto the scene. Christmas was just starting to take on a new, easier shape. But this year, my mother lost her husband of nearly 40 years, so she's coming to visit, and I'm realizing how far I will need to stretch my budget."

I have not spent Christmas with my mother in more than a decade because we live on opposite sides of the country. I became the keeper of Christmas for my immediate family, organizing and decision-making even as my grown sons assumed roles. This year my mother lost her husband of nearly 40 years and will come to visit for the holidays. She needs emotional comfort, reintroduction to a big family Christmas, and thoughtful gifts. Providing that support requires financial stretching and emotional energy, leaving me feeling overwhelmed and close to my limit.

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