"First things first: you're not crazy for feeling hurt. Whatever you're feeling is valid and understandable, especially since so many women are socialized to think that if their partner jerks off instead of reaching for them, it must mean they're not enough. Cue the spiral: Am I unattractive? Is he rejecting me? Is he secretly imagining someone else? None of that feels good. But the truth is, his masturbation probably says a lot less about you-and a lot more about him."
"For many men, masturbation is less about "choosing" it over their partner and more about habit, stress release, or even just autopilot. He might have been doing it this way since he was a teenager-quick, private, uncomplicated. In fact, it might not even occur to him that you'd feel excluded, especially since he's fine when you do it. To him, it's not a commentary on your desirability; it's just something he does."
"But here's the tricky part: you still feel hurt. That matters. A marriage isn't just about managing logistics and mortgages; it's also about navigating these very human moments where one partner feels left out of the other's inner world. A healthy relationship is one in which both members approach their partner's inner-world with curiosity and compassion, not defensiveness or blame."
Feelings of hurt and rejection around a partner's masturbation are valid and common given socialization. Male masturbation often stems from habit, stress relief, or autopilot behavior established in adolescence and may not signal commentary on a partner's desirability. A partner may not recognize that the behavior feels excluding. Emotional impact matters in intimate relationships. Marriage involves more than logistics; it requires navigating moments when one partner feels excluded from the other's inner world. Healthy relationships involve approaching each other's inner experiences with curiosity and compassion, avoiding defensiveness or blame while addressing hurt.
Read at Scary Mommy
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