"The other night, we were going at it, and when we changed positions, I turned around to find his penis in my face. I immediately got up and left the room. He spent the rest of the next day sulking and accused me of kink shaming him. How can I get it across to him that this is off the table for me, in a way that won't require me to sleep in the guest room?"
"Though there isn't the same kind of health risk involved in going from vagina to mouth as there is ass to mouth ( bacteria like e coli live in the anus), you don't need a reason to find any particular sex act unappealing and not want to do it. Your husband's request just doesn't speak to you. I don't imagine that any convincing will change your mind, and that's totally fine. Dig in your heels."
"You should be as direct as possible here: "I'm really not into that, and it's not going to happen." If you're down for oral and then vaginal, in that order, remind him that he's still getting the elements that he wants, just not necessarily in the order that he wants. We can't have everything, but he's getting a lot as it is."
Unwanted sexual acts can be refused without justification and personal disgust is a valid reason to decline. Vaginal-to-oral transfer carries less risk than anal-to-oral, but health comparisons are not required to set boundaries. Firm, direct communication is essential: state clearly that the act will not happen. Offer acceptable alternatives, such as oral followed by vaginal, to provide elements the partner wants without meeting specific demands. Maintain consistency when refusing and allow the partner to process disappointment or sulking. Standing firm over time should reinforce boundaries and reduce repeated pressure.
Read at Slate Magazine
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